On Birthdays.

Currently, I’m in the midst of my 40th year. I celebrate the milestone officially in May, but since I was around the entire year before my 1st birthday, that makes this current time frame my 40th year. This past holiday season was my 40th Christmas and New Years, my 40th spring (the season of my birth), my 40th summer, and I’m in the midst of my 40th winter. When the day officially comes, I’ll technically be starting my 41st year of life. People generally look at birthdays as a celebration of the year ahead, when technically they are a salute to making it through the last 365 days. Or, in my case this year, the past 14,600 days, give or take a leap year here and there.’

Time goes so slowly when you’re a kid. It takes FOREVER for the clock to hit 3pm each day in class. It takes FOREVER for Christmas to come. It takes FOREVER for your birthday. It takes FOREVER for any sort of school break to happen, and then those last couple weeks in the summer take FOREVER to get through when you are bored and ready to get back to school and see your friends and actually do something.

As a mother of two in school, who also has a marriage to nurture and a business to cultivate and grow, I can tell you each day seems 5 minutes long compared to the long, drawn out days of my childhood. Life goes slow when you’re a kid, but it’s a million miles a minute when you’re in the midst of it.

lifemovesfast

Time to slow down and look around once in a while.

Let Love Rule

If you have 5 minutes, take the time to watch this so-called ‘fat’ model on Ellen.

(I love Ellen. She makes my heart sing).

This video also makes my heart sing, because I connect with what Robyn is saying.  If you didn’t watch it (watch it), she speaks of how we need to love our bodies as they are and diets don’t work, how we need to think about what we are saying about others appearances, friends, relatives, celebrities, because young girls internalize this and it affects their views on themselves.

I Love My Body.

Not really. That said, I believe that if I tell myself that enough, it will happen. Thinking positive and focusing on what I want has always proven itself successful to me.  ‘Fake It Til You Make It’ is going to come in full effect here. I’m going to tell myself I Love My Body until I actually DO Love My Body. I *neeeeed* to Love My Body, because it’s the only way I’m going to get my health in check physically *and* mentally.

Diets suck. They suck giant monkey balls.  I am not one of those people who have tried every diet out there, because I look at all the popular (and not so popular) diets, cleanses, detoxes, and think know I could never sustain the diet for the rest of my life, or in the case of cleanses and detoxes, 24 hours.  In order to maintain the final result, it doesn’t take a genius to realize you must maintain the Atkins, South Beach, Paleo, Cabbage Soup, whatever FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I like actual food too much to do that.

The only diet I have tried, and thought I could possibly maintain it for the rest of my life is Weight Watchers. I can eat whatever I want, and it teaches me portion control. After a month or so counting points coms naturally, and when I followed the program for a month I lost 20 whole pounds.

Then, I get tired of counting points, and just want a break, for one day.

Just not to count that brownie.

That brownie. Right there.

And maybe the one beside it, too.

My all-or-nothing attitude is my kryptonite with WW.

So, could I stay on WW for the rest of my life? It’s got the best chance out of any diet out there.

Do I want to stay on WW for the rest of  my life?

Hell.To.The.NO!!!!!

Just no. That does not sound fun.

The minute I stopped point counting I’d gain it all back.

And have to do it all again.

I don’t want to do it all again.

Shortly after I started WW this past October, like in my second week, I found a blog.  And I read this post. And I screamed YES! YES! YES! internally as if I were in an Herbal Essence commercial. This is how I want to live my life, and what I’ve been trying to do for years, only not seeing results quickly enough, so I go into ‘whatevs’ mode.  OK so I haven’t been doing the weight lifting part of it all, I’ve always been a cardio girl. Now I finally get it, and see the importance of weights. Although I love my cardio, outside walks, zumba. Those are enjoyable. I almost typed fun but that would be a lie. Zumba is fun with the right instructor, but anything else I don’t really appreciate until I’m in the middle of it or it’s over.

What I identified most with, in all of it, is the complete disordered thinking about food, about myself, and everything in between. It was like I was reading a letter to my present self from my future self. I am never going to stop fighting the battle with my body until I deal with my disordered thinking.

So I stopped WW.  I’ve removed myself from almost every health and fitness group I was a part of, or page I liked, on Facebook, so that I can clean my newsfeed of things that I don’t want my brain filled with right now.  When you pay attention, hell even when you don’t pay attention, you see there are a kazillion different ways we are being told whats best for our own bodies.  Companies, marketing, well-intentioned friends, poorly-intentioned mother-in-laws. My head is being cleared of all that noise as I move into this new space that I’m taking up.

I don’t really know how to end this post.  I feel like it should be a ‘Lets Do This!’ sentiment of motivation. That’s not how I feel. It’s more like….

Here’s to gentle progress, one day at a time, and make slow but deliberate lifestyle changes that can be maintained for as long as I am lucky enough to be on this earth.

How’s *that* for motivating?

‘Sup Black Friday

Where have you been all my li-i-i-i-i-ife?

The best of intentions…why do I even keep this thing and do this to myself?

This month has been insanely busy…as much as I hate it when people (myself included) make excuses for not doing something because they’ve been ‘busy’. Hey, we’re all ‘busy’. We all have these things called ‘lives’.  The truth is, if we wanted to do something, we’d make it a priority, no matter how busy.

Apparently, I don’t want to do myself, because I haven’t been a priority in my life. Ha!

So, it’s Black Friday. For a lot of my adult life, at this time every year I’m at all the stores getting all the deals. It’s tradition with me, my mom, and my sister Sara. In the last few years Allie started coming, and then Ry even got in on it two years ago. All the shopping, all the memories, over.

Man those were some great times, and good deals. I’d come home with a carful, almost completely done my Christmas shopping, each year thinking; ‘Next year, I’m going to be done Christmas shopping so I can spend Black Friday shopping for the house and for clothes.’ That never happened.

Last year, I began my Black Friday boycott. As usual, I pulled the kids out of school on Thursday and Friday, and we drove the 3 hours to Moms.  There was an excellent Black Friday deal I really wanted to take advantage of, a TV, mom wanted Xbox’s for the grandsons, but all the deals involved going out to shop at 8pm on Thanksgiving. 8pm. At the same time, my dad was sick, very sick, and would be dead in 2 months. Fuck the TV. Fuck the Xbox. I was not going out and losing this last Thanksgiving for a good deal on a TV.

So we stayed in, we ate, we laughed, we missed all the deals. Till we went out the next day, and all the same deals were still there. Booyah. Thanksgiving, for the win. Oh, and the night before? Someone got stabbed and 2 people were hit by cars at Walmart. For TV’s and Xboxes. What the hell, people?!

This year, I didn’t even go home.

My sister moved to Missouri and cooked her first turkey. (My recipe)

Allie stayed home, cooked her first turkey and had to work at 9pm on Thanksgiving. (Assholes). (My recipe).

My moms surrounded by her friends.

My dads dead.

And I’m watching the news, and Target is empty in Bellingham, WA.  Did the stores earn more $$? Or did they just push the sales ahead by 12 hours and ruin Thanksgiving at the same time?

Canadians are finally getting in on the Black Friday event here at home. There’s some major sales going on at the mall today here at home. Some stores even started their sales yesterday. Which is fine, this isn’t a holiday here!  I’ve always felt it was silly to have our big sale day as Boxing Day…yeah as a kid it’s nice to do some shopping with your Christmas cash, but as someone who makes Christmas happen, it’s nice to have the sales a month out.

Looks like I’ll be able to continue my Black Friday tradition here, on Fridays, and without the giant Turkey coma.